Tuesday mornings Ulysses and I go to Montrose Dog Beach.
Anne and I have a house cleaner come on Tuesday mornings. Ulysses hates her. I think it has something to do with the noise of the vacuum cleaner. But I have to get him out of the house or he will rip her face off.
Seriously.
Winters I take him to doggie day care on Tuesdays
Seriously.
Doggie day care.
A First World service.
But summers we go to the beach.
It is always beautiful in the early morning. And there are a dozen or so other regulars that Ulysses chases around the broad sandy beach and into the Lake waters.
This morning I noticed the sign that told me that I can’t allow Ulysses to shit in the Lake water. “No water pooping,” the sign said.
And I laughed as I read the sign. The word “poop” makes me laugh and if you own a dog you say poop all the time.
“Did you take Ulysses for his poop walk this morning?” Anne will ask.
Of course, I take Ulysses for his poop walk every morning. Anne asking that is just part of our routine.
“Oh shit. I forgot a poop bag,” I will mutter as Ulysses craps on the parkway.
“We need a poop sample,” says the vet.
I suppose the words, “dog shit,” offend some people. So we say poop instead.
What offends people is difficult for me to monitor.
I posted a picture of two naked guys yesterday to go along with the letter I got from blogger and friend John Dillon who had made reference to going naked if Representative Jeanne Ives is successful in turning my pension into a 401K crap (poop?) shoot.
I thought posting the picture would be funny. Two long-haired naked hippies walking along the road to Yasgur’s Farm. Woodstock. 1969.
1969!
Who could be offended by that?
It was 44 years ago.
Well, one reader was.
This guy sent me half a dozen comments telling me to unsubscribe him. How offended he was. How offended the legislators would be. How my posting a picture of two naked long-haired hippies at Woodstock in 1969 would result in the loss of our pensions.
Remember. The two long-haired naked hippies are probably now collecting Social Security and a pension themselves.
Maybe the guy who wrote me was one of the two long-haired naked hippies at Woodstock and he’s not offended.
He was embarrassed.
I myself was not at Woodstock. But I attended my share of Love-Ins. I remember one in Griffith Park in LA.
I don’t think I got naked.
I can’t be sure.
Hey. It was the sixties. It was California. I was young.
It is not my purpose to intentionally offend.
But you can’t blog about stuff every day and avoid offending somebody.
However, it is usually a politician or a state union leader.
I put two dots over the penises (I hope using the word penis doesn’t offend anyone) so as not to offend the one guy who complained.
My problem is that I have never had anyone demand to be unsubscribed.
It is kind of like keeping Ulysses from water pooping.
I don’t know how to do that.
Fred Klonsky 
Aren’t there a lot more things to be offended by…like hunger, and misery, and cruelty, and useless waste of life?
Fred,
Those DOTS you put over the naked guys’ penises are WAY too BIG. Now I am offended! UNSUBSCRIBE ME IMMEDIATELY PLEASE!
I’m offended by politicians, many of them lawyers, who have no regard for the Illinois Constitution(the law of the land) and contracts that have been in existence for many years. All retired teachers planned their retirement based upon getting a certain number of dollars. We did not know the politicians were going to attempt to screw us so we did not set up a “got screwed” fund. Two naked guys are nothing compared to what Illinois politicians are trying to do.
I agree with Jake.
Fr e d,
Thanks for the constant laughs to make my day… and for the more serious stuff you tell us about.
I guess the “offended one” has no sense of humor…sad.
Consider George Carlin’s seven words being posted here in extreme protest to all the protests.
Yes, thanks for the laughs. Tell that idiot to unsubscribe himself. It’s his job.
Fred, Your sensitive guy who wanted to unsubscribe could go to the bottom of the page and do it. He just wanted to jerk your chain, or maybe that isn’t a good phrase now that I think about your reader and his problem. You don’t have to do anything to unsubscribe him. He just needs to read the links at the bottom of any email.
I’m thinking how powerful your message must be to have a picture of two naked guys result in the loss of our pensions. Then again art teachers are powerful. I was once told I was responsible for a divorce because my student was so unhappy in my class…the parents divorced. The kid attends once a week for an hour and is unhappy and causes his parents to divorce. All because of me. Powerful. Patricia Herrmann
BTW. I am a dog owner and I obsess over my dogs’ poop. Maybe I need to use a spreadsheet and rate my dogs’ poop.