Tony at the Red Line Tap.

“Look who’s back from Hotlanta,” mumbled Tony into his PBR.

“Marty. Let me have an Omnipollo Nebuchadnezzar.”

“Klonsky’s goin’ all Swedish on us, huh.”

“Where I’m going is getting old. And fast. I retired a year ago. Got my Medicare card a couple of weeks ago. This shit is bummin’ me out.”

“‘Bummin you out?’ Y’know. Using expressions from the sixties isn’t going to make you feel younger.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Tony. There are good sides to my situation. When I was working, I was pretty much the oldest person in the room. Now when I go to meetings – like the Retired Conference in Atlanta – I’m pretty much the youngest. Which, of course, does make me feel younger.”

“You kind of remind me of my great grandfather, Gabby.”

“How did he get the name ‘Gabby’?”

“Because he never talked! Jesus Christ, Klonsky. How do you think he got the name Gabby?”

“Right. So, how do I remind you of your great grandfather Gabby?”

“Because you’re both old.”

“Seriously. Take meetings. Which I go to a lot of. The meeting problem is a real problem. At the retired meetings I go to nobody can hear anything. Including me. So meetings go on and on because everything has to be repeated over and over. It’s like a senior version of Occupy Wall Street. Occupy is over but we’re still doing mic checks.”

“Maybe that’s why Madigan thinks he can steal your pensions. Maybe he thinks you guys are so old, blind and deaf that you won’t notice.”

I laugh. “We ain’t that old, blind and deaf.”

“I was talking to this guy the other day. He was mad at me because I said that our promised pensions were off the table. Not up for discussion. ‘Oh, everything has to be up for discussion. You can’t shut down discussions,’ he told me.”

“What did you say?”

“I said, ‘bullshit.'”

“That’s not very democratic of you,” said Tony.

“Nope. It’s not.  I said, ‘If you want to put my pension on the table for discussion, let’s put your life savings on the table and all of us get to discuss how to spend it. Oh, and your house. And your kid’s college fund.”

Tony said, “You suddenly get a lot of energy when you start talking pensions.”

“I turn into a twenty-year old.”