“I don’t get it,” Tony sighed as I grabbed my seat at the bar.
“Sean, my man.” I yelled to the kid in the back room. “A Cal’Arenys. Room temperature.”
“I said, I don’t get it.”
“I heard you, but I wanted my beer. Now. What don’t you get, Tony?”
“Four-man bobsledding. How is it different from two-man bobsledding?”
“It’s different because one has two guys and one has four,” I explained. “Why are you watching the Olympics? They were over two days ago.”
“Highlights,” Tony explained. “And since you’re in the explaining mood, explain this. Why is professional sports patting itself on the back for having two openly gay guys? I mean it’s 2014.”
“I think they’re just glad that the other several hundred professional athletes that are gay are remaining in the closet. The owners are concerned with the Rush Limbaugh-type NFL fans who would freak out if they found out that there are more gay Bears than weeknight customers at a bar on North Halsted.
Sean brought over a bottle of the Catalonian brew.
“Did you know Catalonia was once part of the Roman Empire. Then it came under Visigothic rule after the collapse of the western part of the empire. Around 718, it was occupied by the Moors and became a part of Muslim ruled al-Andalus. The Frankish Empire took it from the Muslims, beginning with the conquest of Roussillon. That was about 750 and ending with the conquest of Barcelona about 50 years later. It served as part of a larger buffer zone of Christian counties known as the Marca Hispanica.”
“I think I once dated a girl named Marca Hispanica in high school,” I said.
Tony frowned. “Thanks for the update,” he said.
“So, how’s the family, Tony?”
“I got a call from my cousin, Pontiac Flanagan,” Tony laughed. “She’s the professional lap dancer.”
“Right. I think I met her. Talented woman,” I offered.
“She’s upset because she’s all over Youtube. It seems she was one of the strippers hired for Alderman Ervin’s bachelor party.”
“The video is so dark, you can’t tell who the strippers are,” I said.
“That’s what I told her,” said Tony. “Plus, I told her that it would be good to get her name around as the lap dancer of Chicago aldermen.”
“I don’t know about that. That’s a pretty low-class crowd. Even among guys who have bachelor parties with strippers and lap dancers.”
“The Alderman assured the press that no public money was spent on the strippers.”
“The only way they would get taxpayer money is if the strippers were friends with Rahm.”
Tony said, “Can you hear the Alderman on the video yelling to turn it off because it might end up on Youtube?”
“Which qualifies him as the smartest guy in the City Council,” I said.
“Or the dumbest, since it ended up on Youtube,” said Tony.
Fred Klonsky 