Tony at the Red Line Tap.

“Ah. You’re back from Michigan,” said Tony as I pulled up a stool.

“Marty. Let me have a bottle of Cantillon Soleil De Minuit. Yep. Got back on Monday. When did you get back?”

“I think it was the night of the second debate,” Tony said.

“I didn’t think you would have watched.”

“Marty had it on the TV. Besides I watch. I happen to be very interested in elections. From a financial point of view, of course.”

“Sure,” I said. “The economic issues are really important. Like James Carville said. ‘It’s the economy, stupid.'”

“Carville’s a friggin’ idiot,” said Tony. “And he looks freakish. Like my cousin Friedrich.”

“Friedrich?”

“Yeh. Friedrich. My cousin, the plumber. He invented the slogan, “Don’t live with a drip.” The guy is plug ugly but he is a marketing genius. Anyways. No. I mean I have money on the outcome. I buy election futures on Intrade.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, absolutely. And Nate Silver is like my Racing Form.”

“But what about the issues? Pakistan? Education? A woman’s right to choose? Who will be on the Supreme Court.”

“You’re kidding, right?” said Tony. “You know what Nate Silver says your vote in Illinois is worth in terms of the outcome of the election? Less than .1%.  Unless you live in the suburbs of Canton, Ohio, your vote is worth bupkis mit kuduchas. Given that, I’m better off concerned about my bets at Intrade. Right now I got Obama at about 57% to win. Although Nate Silver has him a little better.”

“You’re crazy,” I said.

“Not me,” said Tony. “That stupid Hoosier who said rape is God’s will? l had him to lose even before he said that shit. I’m going to make out like a bandit on that one.”